It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
