she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
