Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
