I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
