Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't turn off my feet"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
