You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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