he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
