I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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