thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
