this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
