You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
