don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
