we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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