he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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