I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
