Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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