I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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