Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
