Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
