Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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