After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
