Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
