Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
