She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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