im about as happy as oj after his trial
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
