I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you would pick up someone in the library
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
