How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
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home. puking in laundry basket.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We're too hungover to prance.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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