Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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