It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
