He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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