This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
