I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
