i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
