i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
