so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
