Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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