you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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