either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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