I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
