just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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