He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
