My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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