Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
