I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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