Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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