Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
