so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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