Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
