I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
