just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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