i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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