I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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