I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
