Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
