You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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