i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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