If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
