I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
