does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
