A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
