So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
well most of my day revolves around power hour
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
