DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I would fuck him just for his dog
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