Umm I'm too high to move.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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