the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
