oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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