I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
