never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
