We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
