Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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